Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Thoughts on.... Oct 29 2008

A few years ago through my online explorations i kept coming across topics such as "wife sharing", "cuckolding", "interacial sex", etc. At first they seemed so taboo and i guess they still are but for some reason especially since i've gotten married to my Mistress cuckolding seemed to be more and more titilating to me. i found myself immersing myself into reading forums, stories, gazing at captioned pictures etc and finding it all quite a hot topic. At the same time i was drawn to the same kind of online media dealing with feminization, sissification, etc. i used to think of myself as a submissive male who found it quite romantic to kneel at the feet of a Dominant Woman and serve Her. Of course i still think that but i have been drawn to be a girl. It all seems to make so much sense to be a cuckolded sissy girl.

When i started communicating my turn-ons in these things, Domina listened but told me that i was being obsessed with these things. She also said that Her definition of cuckolding was really mean and She saw Herself as more of a nurturing Mistress. When talking about sissy play She asked if i was gay and i said no. Of course i am bi and i thought sissy play might be fun. She said that if She wanted a girl She had a girl She used to have as a lover. At one point She told me how sometimes She misses having a strong man take Her and ravish Her but being a Dominant She made the bed and must lie in it meaning that She must always be the strong one.

i started having a kind a fantasy going through my head that was really obsessing me:

i had installed a wireless electronic doorbell between my office where i spent most of my time at the computer and Domina's bedroom and craftroom so She could call me into Her presence without shouting through the walls. It was a solution to many fights W/we had when She said She called me but i couldn't hear Her. The bell worked very well.

my fantasy started with me sitting at the computer and hearing the bell ring. i get up from my chair wearing a French Maid's uniform with the hat, cute white girly socks and mary janes. i quickly swish up the stairs to Domina's bedroom that morning and knock on Her door. She yells, "Come in!". i enter and find Her naked on Her side toward me with a naked masculine man behind Her fucking Her. i kneel by the side of Her bed and She tells me that Her and Her lover would like refreshments. She asked for wine. i curtsy and quickly proceed to the kitchen where i pour out wine in two glasses and then return to Her room and find Her now on top of him riding him. i kneel and place the glasses on Her night stand and start to rise to go. She then asks, "Where are you going sissy? i haven't dismissed you."

i then return to my kneeling position feeling quite small. She then looks at me sternly and asks, "How do you like seeing a real man fucking your Wife?"

i say, "i think its hot Domina"

Domina looks at me and smiles. "It feels so good. You should thank him for pleasuring Me."

i look up and say, "Thank you" to the man. He lays there while She continues.

From there all kinds of variations have gone through my head like Domina dismissing me or continuing telling me how i am not a man at all but a girl to Her telling me that the man is now my Master, etc.

One night i told Domina my fantasy. She listened carefully and then told me that it was doable but as things continued one day She told me that She just couldn't do it. She thought it was just too mean to me.

i stopped talking about sissification and cuckolding but the feelings and fantasies did continue. Finally an interesting thing happened. Domina started implimenting themes of both in O/our play. i've since found that If i have a want, a fantasy, etc and communicate it to Her. She will think about it and make it Her own. In a sense i believe this alleviates the age old problem of "topping from the bottom". This is something i've never wanted and Domina definitely hates.

Now there are so many aspects of my fantasies integrated into O/our lives. i think its all fascinating, tittilating and scary. So many times i've heard the words, "Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it". i think its all fascinating because of the way Domina does things. She makes them happen but in Her own way. Which is what i think of a successful Mistress. Its tittilating because they answer my fantasies and sometimes go beyond. Scary because i feel so out of control and find that i have to trust Domina on this journey. She is the one in control.

Some of the observations i have made are:
  1. Domina is definitely head of the house. No one would question that
  2. i am Her cuckolded sissy slave. Domina now calls me jamie and with female pronouns such as she, her, etc.
  3. Domina has set responsibilities around the house as man things done by leopet and girl things such as cooking and housework to me.
  4. Domina has added a third to Her harem in the form of a masculine and adventurous male She calls bear. She calls him Her slutboy sub but besides that he is like a boyfriend. She does not want me to call him Her boyfriend though.
  5. Domina has the freedom to do as She wishes.
  6. Domina has let me know that things cannot reverse. Once W/we have opened the marriage it cannot close nor can i not be a man again. "That ship has sailed".
Some things that has almost made me stop breathing when i've heard them has been when Domina has mentioned going out of town with bear for a weekend or to other countries in his adventures. The husband part of me kind of wakes up feeling angst that She might want to enjoy adventures without me. i tell Her that and She asks why can't She take the opportunity to have fun if She can. i then feel like i need to wrap the idea around my head. W/we are in a very non-traditional relationship. It is a kind of a one sided poly relationship.

All in all things are happy right now.

sissy girl


Miss Unconventional, The Wicked Bitch said...

Very, very interesting relationship. I really love it.

It is true that when the relationship is open, there is no turning back. Open relationships are very complex, and I think that there are times when both sides in the relationship fluctuate between accepting it and wanting to turn back.

sissy slave jamie said...

Thank You Ma'am! i think it is very interesting and to think i am living it.

i think that is interesting too and something that i knew when i first brought it up to Her. Domina has said several times that She is poly and with my cuckold fantasies and thinking of Her needs i brought it up.

Thats for sure. With every day issues coming up sometimes the thought to reconsider comes up but as Domina has reminded me that once the ship has sailed theres no going back.

Thank You for Your comments!

sissy girl