Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Real life Nov 12 2008

What a tough day. Its really hard to admit it but Domina and i fight from time to time. W/we both love the lifestyle so much. She, my Mistress and i Her sissygirl but things happen.

Domina works terrible hours for Her. She is up at 3:30am to be at work by 4. She comes home at 1pm and usually goes right to bed to sleep to 5 or 6pm. Then She wakes up and enjoys dinner and a few tv shows then She is back to bed at 8 or 9pm for Her "Me" time.

Today while Domina was at work i hung some shelves and was getting a shopping list together for after She came home. Domina came home tired. As usual i greeted Her at the door and followed Her to Her bedroom to make sure She had everything She needed and to ask Her a question before i left. She kissed me and abruptly shooe'd me out of the room telling me She was very tired and just wanted Me time before i could ask the question and i felt bit bad about it. i got to the bottom of the stairs and heard Her talking to someone. i went back upstairs and saw She was all smiles and talking on the phone to Her boyfriend. i left and thought about it while i zipped from place to place picking things up for Her.

Later i thought i would approach Her with my feelings but somehow She turned it around to how She felt and all. i really got frustrated about it all. i just wanted to let Her know that i felt i should be able to express my feelings when i'm hurt. i ended up leaving the house for a long drive to cool down.

i drove all around the city and stopped at McDonalds knowing that my family was having pizza at home. i thought Domina would appreciate that i got out to cool down. i got home after 9pm and found Her still awake. W/we talked about the earlier fight and i tried as humbly as i could to tell Her how i felt but She took it as i was finding Her such a terrible person.

Tension has been up there because i have been unemployed for some time now and although i have been to many interviews nothing has surfaced.

Right now i don't feel too submissive and certainly not too girlie. i told Domina that i might cut my hair and get the first job i can get so i could stop the tension. She told me that i will always be what i am.

Domina told me that i should chat with Mistress's and other sissies online about it all but really i don't chat with people like that. i have always wanted to hold Domina up on a pedestal because She is my Mistress and my Goddess. Things are usually very good but in times like this its pretty tough for me.

i agreed a few weeks ago to see a therapist because Domina felt that i get angry and upset about relatively little matters. She calls them rages. i have seen the therapist a couple times and mostly we are getting acquainted. i have been totally up front with her about O/our lifestyle and all.

Why am i blogging this all. Maybe to let you know that the lifestyle W/we are living is real. Things aren't always so beautiful and girlie. W/we all like jamie more than james but its difficult to not be able to be open and expressive with one's Mistress/Wife without an argument ensuing.

i would appreciate some guidance.

sissy girl


Miss Unconventional, The Wicked Bitch said...

Having fights and disagreements are natural in all relationships. It is always helpful to take a step back and talk about it with your partner when enough time has passed.

I have found that sometimes when emotions are high that a "cooling off" drive is not enough time before you discuss your feelings with your partner. I have found that sometimes I have to wait until the next day, and sometimes a few days later to discuss something that happened in a fight. It seems like people are much more open to open communication when the tensions and emotions aren't high.

Reflect on the situation and ask yourself whether you went into a rage and if you escalated the fight or not. Take a step away from yourself and try to look at it neutrally.

Miss Unconventional, The Wicked Bitch said...

And talking about your situation with other people is cathartic. If Mistress is telling you to do so, you can still keep Her on a pedestal and work out your feelings with other people.

Honestly, you will need to learn to express your feelings with other people. If you are at home and out of work, you don't want to drive Mistress crazy with only talking to Her about everything.

sissy slave jamie said...

Hi Miss Unconventional!

Thank You so much for Your wisdom. i feel quite drained right now. You are so helpful.
Part of the reason why i took the drive to cool off is that i find myself usually hard to let things go. i always seem to want to resolve things. That approach just hasn't worked for me in the past. i know Domina in the past has approached me days later about a matter when people are calm and all. Things are cool now but i know She is hurt and i definitely feel that way.
Usually things are fine here. i usually have the mindset that i am the sissy slave and to look after Mistress and all. It just upset me that i felt i couldn't express my feelings without Her taking it like i was criticizing everything.
Thank You Ma'am!

Miss Unconventional, The Wicked Bitch said...

Those are your girlie feelings coming through! Women generally want to resolve things right away, and I think that sometimes it exacerbates the situation.

Everything will be fine!!

sissy slave jamie said...

Thank You Ma'am :) i appreciate it!
sissy girl